Esmond's Blog

Moved

2006-12-19T22:36:00.000+08:00

Thanks for all your patronage. This blog will continue to exist.

However, all poetic entries have been moved to:
poetry.esmondng.com

Also do check out my new webbie (in the making):
esmondng.com

And my photographic portfolio soon (not up yet):
gallery.esmondng.com

See Ya!

“Worst Times?” by Esmond Ng 15/12/06 © copyright

2006-12-18T21:29:00.000+08:00

Get better soon. Monorail coming your way!

“Worst Times?” by Esmond Ng 15/12/06 © copyright
============================================

When ye skies full grey,
Think your days shadow’d dismay.
Blurr’d sorrow will not let see,
Your eyes to heaven’s sun rays.

For hidden they be,
Behind cloudy bearings they’ll surface.
Of light, of hope, and do await;
The sky is never gloom stays.

If pours from it Love as tempestuous,
Like tears from which stream Thy face.
If not for such solemn toilsome winds,
Would Thou see the betters of they?

May rainbows much exceedingly,
Sought itself to please to surface.
After the sheets of brief, grief rain,
Betters after each every pain.

“Charyle” by Esmond Ng © copyright 29/09/06

2006-09-29T00:43:00.000+08:00

“Charyle” by Esmond Ng © copyright 29/09/06
=========================================

Charyle French of which,
Close to seem of little and womanly.
Name aptly to fit,
She that what it means.

For Her Her façade sweet,
Yet charm no not lacking.
From dozens more of her pics,
More allure than all my eyes seen.

Bloom if Thou art exquisite,
Then whole fields of petals I’ll see.
Not for sun shineth on Thee,
But for sun shimmers for She.

“My Bubu Dream” by Esmond Ng copyright © 11/08/06

2006-08-11T11:59:00.000+08:00

No inspiration to write for quite awhile until I had this dream last night.
Hope you're doing great! ;)

“My Bubu Dream” by Esmond Ng copyright © 11/08/06
==============================================

Sugary most not definitely,
Taste if sweetened bifold still lacking.
Why Time still bitter bids me chimera,
When all in alpha was such heavenly.

What more a man can be?
When in dreams his stance airs not his belief.
In reverie when vagary permits,
He chooses silence yet to speak.

They say dreams best for utopian schemes,
Where you are master of all it.
Then why not did I stage a better hit,
Why chose I a tragic love misfit?

I comfort though in succor of relief,
That Thee I glimpsed in beaming bliss.
For this I may never awaken see,
If not my lucid Bubu dream.

"No Expectations" & Esmond’s Very Own Quote for May

2006-05-09T04:40:00.000+08:00

No Expectations
============

A dear told me some months back: “Do things without expectations, then you wouldn’t be disappointed when you don’t get reciprocal results.” Well, that seemed pretty amazing coming from her. Deliberated, mulled and surmised that it was true. You see, work = force x distance. So going the distance means one would have to work with force in variable extents. If you put in so much effort in something, you’d naturally expect certain returns. If not, you would not have otherwise humanly done it in the first place. As often as we would instead like it, these results can turn out rather dispiriting. Thus to avoid this dampening gloom, not expecting anything in exchange would be our safest bet!

Stuck with that for awhile but soon realized this objective way of doing things was just not mortally possible! The basic fallacy of this statement is it ignores the fact that we are mere flesh and blood; frail and fragile. Any other way to agree otherwise would devoid us of our creatural roots. We are all selfish to some degree or other. Don’t you agree?

How about unconditional Love? The Love of Jesus to His children? The Love of parents to their offsprings? Are we not capable of unconditional Love? Or does it just not really exist in our mundane and secular world? Are self-sacrifice and fairytales just meant for novels and movies? Yet again, some would beg to disagree. I for one would choose to believe. For even cubs to lions mean the world, what less our Loves to we?

Yes, we are self-seeking but also perishable. So why should the nice things we do for people be? Then you ask me: “Summation be, should we expect?”

Esmond’s Very Own Quote for May:
“Give as you would expect receive. And perchance, you’d be surprised with what you tenfold inherit.” ~ © Esmond Ng 09/05/06

Esmond's Very Own Quote for April

2006-04-03T05:50:00.000+08:00

The Tests
=======

With the exception of some rare shibboleth individuals, most of us will sparsely embrace the idea of taking tests. Whether in school or in Life, tests present themselves as a really arduous and onerous experience!

However truth be that Life very much resembles tests. It places us in situations where there are just too much uncertainties and variables. Recollect the last time you were sitting for a paper. No matter how prepared you were, there were bound to be questions where you just could not comprehend or answer. What would your strategy be then? Spend every last second on that problem? Perhaps, the more fitting one would be to carry on with the paper and return to this botheration later.

Life is exactly like this. Whenever we run into a predicament, we spend countless nights in deliberation and end up being totally vexed. What we fail to see is that like the test, Life is time constrained. We only have a limited number of earthly hours and we all have an expiry date on our bodies. Why do we persist in using up all our resources solving the baffling encounter?

When one has tried adequately yet fall short of results, it is really time to move on. In Life, it’s the same. Carry on with the rest of your lives! There are really more things to savor and enjoy beyond the current slump you are in. I’m serious. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s absolutely not worth it foregoing the scorings on the rest of the paper for that one question?

Esmond’s very own quote for April:

“Life is like a test. When u hit a patch, move on to the rest and come back later!” ~ Esmond Ng © 03/04/06

Childish

2006-03-24T07:29:00.000+08:00

For those whom have been religiously reading my blog (or those few that have), you’d seldom see Esmond bitching about things around him. That is of course until he can no longer suppress the impending need to release that pent-up frustration and the naivety that surrounds him.

Do you have recollections of childhood days? Remember the time you had a new toy and instinctively chucked away the old beloved? Then along came Matthew eagerly picking it up and having the time of his life with it. It seems he has so much fun you decide to reclaim it and thus, tossing the new love. When he’s sufficiently deprived and no longer interested, you cast it out of sight again!

Remember the time you were playing catching? Mark tagged you and made you the catcher instead? No matter how fast he ran or dodged, you insisted on enacting revenge! You stubbornly ignored the easier catches and fixated your target on him! This tit for tat disposition creates a seamless and vicious quid pro quo cycle.

Remember your best mate in school, Luke? You two used to hang out so much together; virtually doing everything like twins? One day, you somehow found a new best friend. Luke was envy green and did everything he could to revert the times; even if it meant ratting on you, betraying your trust and sowing jealously. You just couldn’t believe how selfish and downright dirty he could get just to win you back!

How about John? Being buddies and such, he promised to back and stand by you. He promised to see you through thick and thin. He even swore his loyalty to your friendship. What happened? When the bullies came the next day, he joined their ranks and turned against you. Why did he tell and profess one thing and do another?

Sure, each of us has to some extent done these one time or another in our youthful days. But shouldn’t such petty behavior be better left back then? It’s a wonder how some people still practice them at their age. As the Aussies put it: “You have lost the plot mate.” As Singaporeans aptly put it: “Wake up your bloody idea and grow up!”

What is Love?

2006-03-10T09:56:00.000+08:00

What is Love? Each one of us will at one juncture in time ponder over it. Just what is Love? We draw conclusions from movies, friends and social norms. To each his or her own, we come up with our own yardsticks to try and reconcile this quandary. With what extent of certitude have we? To what amount are we unequivocal about Love and its meaning?

I have in my blog, numerous poems and posts regarding what I feel Love is. Yet, I am unsure. I am lost and feeble; vulnerable and nakedly exposed. As sudden as a gust of wind, I recall something which may aptly relate to this common dilemma. In fact, the answer may have existed all along; all through the ages and most of time.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres". ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

“I Love You” by Esmond Ng © copyright 03/03/06

2006-03-03T06:03:00.000+08:00

Hey, Life is really fragile. If ever an eulogy is needed for me, please read this:

“I Love You” by Esmond Ng © copyright 03/03/06
============================================

These three words most commonly used;
Misused, underused and superfluously accented.
For oft-imagined they only indulged in Lovers’ converse,
Neglected Love of kinships and friends due.

If Fate so callously command should to me,
That next beautiful sunrise again I will never see.
Then let all I adore be told these three,
Lest they cease to ever remember me remember Thee.

For Love be from me to my Parents rightfully,
And Love be to all close or even acquainted me.
Not least be Love to fore Lovers of mine give,
That each did I bare for Thine wholeheartedly.

Did chance not I had to profess all these?
Nay I say, for my actions they preceded me.
Only for moments with me not around to please,
I Love You for moments just like these.

Esmond's Very Own Quote for March

2006-03-02T15:03:00.000+08:00

Must strive to do this myself too!

“March is essentially the same as moving forward, however with conviction!” ~ © Esmond Ng 02/03/06

“Your Smiles” by Esmond Ng © copyright 20/02/06

2006-02-20T04:23:00.000+08:00

“Your Smiles” by Esmond Ng © copyright 20/02/06
=============================================

If a smile can win the world over,
Nothing is beyond Thy reach.
If a smile can make grey skies blue,
Why rainbows do we need?

A child’s smile innocently put,
Melt hearts without universal speech.
If smiles do miracles around us every each,
Then why not I see you smile more than you really mean?

Thee had said smiles better frowns than,
For someone may indeed be falling for them.
Losing only to a loving kiss,
A smile’s a gift kindly a beautiful thing.

I believe smiles genuine stems from happiness within,
Something we all long but forlorn it seems.
Why not let your smiles guide life along with steps take Thee,
For they mean you be most joyous at that instance be.

I seek a smile on you every second to see,
A smile on you brings many smiles to me.
For wrinkles not age but tells where smiles have been,
I wish those smiles were hath been because me.

Happy Valentines!

2006-02-14T02:42:00.000+08:00

Happy Valentines to all!

My attempt at blue roses. (Arcylic on canvas, gloss vanish.)
Nice?

Affinity

2006-02-07T04:16:00.000+08:00

Do you believe in Affinity? Affinity is a natural attraction, liking, or feeling of kinship. Have you ever met someone for the first time yet felt like you have known the person for ages? Have you ever met someone who just naturally clicks with you. No, I’m not talking about Love at first sight; just some person that you feel absolutely comfortable with. Someone whom you can share time, happiness and sadness without reserve. I guess most people would have felt like that one time or other. It’s really unexplainable and quite miraculous actually.

I recently got to understand one of my acquaintances more in-depth. Previously, I had known little about this person. By chance I communicated with her and found we had a lot in similar. Maybe it’s because we are of the same zodiac! Our characters are somewhat alike and we just hit it off so instantly. I would say she feels like a long-time good friend even though we know so little about each other. It’s just a feeling I get whenever I’m around her. Hmm…

Well, I don’t know about tomorrow or the challenges they bring. I just know that at this juncture in time, I have found another buddy whom I can relate to with ease. Whenever I’m with this person, I don’t have to put on a front to protect myself or try to impress her. I’m just me. I would say I really enjoy her company and friendship. Some of you may just think I’m blabbering nonsense but it’s really difficult in this pretentious world to be able to find someone whom you can have heart to heart talks with.

More description about this person? I would have to say she’s rather cranky at times but really loads of fun to be with. Although overused, sweet is a word that aptly describes her, especially when she’s asleep. Haha. I am really looking forward to spending more time with this new buddy of mine. Hopefully a very fruitful friendship will sprout from this chanced meeting. Anyway if you’re reading this, just want to wish you the best in this doggie year! Keke.

“The Slumber Baby” by Esmond Ng © copyright 05/02/06

2006-02-05T04:28:00.000+08:00

“The Slumber Baby” by Esmond Ng © copyright 05/02/06
==================================================

Was cruising on the expressway last dark,
Soft the radio croons my favorite tunes.
There on not my right but left be,
A slumber baby midst in her dreams.

Were they sweet saccharine sugary?
The cloudland I pray not too cloyingly.
For revel I in her faerie form in silent sleep,
Not to wake but in still repose I enjoy see.

Admit I that lonely the drive not be,
For alongside me a little slumber baby.
And those stolen glances occasionally at she,
That the journey no longer seems a journey.

Such enchanting company; the slumber baby.

Esmond's Very Own Quote for February

2006-02-01T10:35:00.000+08:00

From personal experience too,

“We always hurt more than others for we are the someone else in our own shoes.” ~ © Esmond Ng 01/02/06

Esmond's Very Own Quote for January

2006-01-17T04:16:00.000+08:00

From personal experience,

"They are called New Year Resolutions because they are made at the turn of the year and forgotten soon after." ~ © Esmond Ng 17/01/06

“Flowers” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/01/06

2006-01-11T07:18:00.000+08:00

Was reading blogs randomly and I found this really interesting description of a gal by her friend. In addition, there must have been at least a dozen pictures of her with different bouquets of flowers. Wow! That’s more flowers than I ever received! Keke. Anyways, I just had the urge to write this after leaving that bloggie.

“Flowers” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/01/06
=========================================

In colors more varied than rainbows exhibit,
Petals from assortment of flowers they carry.
Like the beauty from which these chromatics due,
Such so is her liking for such colors; such hues.

For she be no favorite of particular bloom,
That all flowers be equal pleasing; receiving too.
I know not her but seems to me she,
In love with flowers than those buzzing around her constantly.

Not to say diddly of her nor just porcelain to view,
Nay don’t get me wrong, you deserve many festoons.
For flowers they belong only to an elegant minority,
And truth be, that you amongst the very few.

I adore the way your companion puts it,
That you be personified beast’s beau.
For most of us categorized as such,
And fittingly that Thee fits beauty’s shoe.

“Love should not need” by Esmond Ng © copyright 07/01/06

2006-01-07T04:35:00.000+08:00

Hi people! Had nothing to write on the past 2 weeks. I was just browsing through my friend's friends in friendster (what a mouthful!) and I saw something that caught my attention. Inspiration! This is what I saw:

I'm going to try to speak the words
that my heart wants you to know
I want you to see what you mean to me
and why I love you so.
Nobody else can know my thoughts
and touch my soul like you can
No one can melt my heart like you do
simply by holding my hand.
With a loving glance or a tender kiss
you make my cares disappear
Warm thoughts of you surround me
and always keep you near.
I need nothing more from you than this-
to know that you'll always be mine
And the promise of your love in my life-
until the end of time~

(Source: Je m'appelleCAT's friendster profile)

In response/addition:

“Love should not need” by Esmond Ng © copyright 07/01/06
=====================================================

Words from Thy Heart need not speak,
For tongues unworldly fit deem to say of it.
See need not Love’s eye to sight,
That what you be feeling needn’t show explicit.

Thoughts as such no one seems know,
Less even as to touch your soul.
I beg to differ that it be not the involvement of hands,
That melts what where your true self beats.

Thou longeth for glances candied and delicate lips,
Even memories to warm up and safe keep.
But most of all what your beatings forlorn need,
Is a Love; fairytale ever after to exist.

I be saying all these as same I somewhat agree,
That what you dearly hold on to I can relate honestly.
If kind fate should ever decree favorably,
Too I search what you too seek.

Magical if such Love should indeed extant be,
Doubt I that Thou will really ever should need;
Such speech, sight, mind and senses sweet,
For Love is the only thing needed transcend all these.

No words said but thoughts the other knows,
No visions but the other Thee clearly in head sees.
No tendering touches but still lucidly; felt we.
For Love true should if exist,
All these irrelevant be; we not need.

“Forget Me” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/12/05

2005-12-11T06:01:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“Forget Me” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/12/05
===========================================

Forget you?
Why should I?
For to me you the most pleasant;
Of all my memories present.

Forget you?
And the reason being?
Not that hopes of rekindled feelings hold,
Just as a dear friend I hope still own.

They say:
“Friends are friends forever.”
Ain’t that the way supposed it be?
Then why I feel ostracized and such enmity?

I still do cry out Heavenly One,
Not for Love to come my way.
But for happiness your way,
And all that you wish for to stay.

I may have mistakes made,
Along this lonely path swayed.
But I am just man to err,
Not an excuse but forgiveness please I pray.

At the end of my days,
I still hope to have this memory engraved.
That maybe sweet thoughts of you,
Can keep my beliefs sane.

Oh no, I haven’t changed.
I still believe, I still do keep;
That someday true Love cometh,
This never smooth road runneth.

Then I ask once again.
“Forget me”, “Why?” I say.
For all this searching while for,
A perfect memory I’ve found that day.

Moving On

2005-12-10T07:40:00.000+08:00

I spent the whole of last morning reading through my own posts from the very beginning. After that, a natural question to myself was: “How is it that I can write so strongly about one person, then within a few months write so absolutely again about another?”

Then I realized it. Whether on a conscious or sub-conscious level, I was trying to move on. Seconds past, minutes fly and days elapse. Time waits for no one. Being a nostalgic person, I don’t like that one bit. I like the past, I like memories. But I just can’t help it. As they say: “Life goes on.”

Everyone has their strong traits. Everyone is special in their own ways. This is something I always advocate. “No one is good at nothing!” True, I may have fallen for others. True, I may have tried again and perhaps again. But every each one of them have unique memories for me. Some allocated with more weight, others less. Nothing is fair. That’s for sure since all eternity.

Sometimes in retrospect, I remember certain picture frames of different people. Some are very much more hurting than the others. It’s freaking immense for me I admit, but the seconds still tick. I’m battered, bleeding and bruised. I’m tired and forlorn. I can’t deny me. The one that still weighs the most, I miss you loads.

My canoe once capsized and I found myself swimming for help. I swam for a long time only to comprehend I was on the same spot. The currents in the sea were keeping me stuck on the same spot! I struggled in frenzy but still, I was in the same spot. I wonder if I can let go. Let the currents carry me. Would I be somewhere else? Would the currents lead me to shore or wash me deeper into trouble? Tell me then. Can I still hold on to my fantasy forever? I know I would like to. Fate have pity on me please.

“Sometimes the harder you try to move on, the easier it is for you to remain status quo.” ~ © Esmond Ng 10/12/05

“The Sixth Sense” by Esmond Ng © copyright 08/12/05

2005-12-09T07:14:00.000+08:00

“The Sixth Sense” by Esmond Ng © copyright 08/12/05
================================================

The first being you my eyes see,
That such is sense sweet of sight.
That Love they say blind is,
Nay I say for you not their visions find.

Secondly the serene sound of Thee,
Voice as choir concordant pleasing.
That all who chance hear of such music,
Shall no longer stray but choose near stay it.

Third my nose will first recognize,
That scent of fresh on Thy skin fine.
Which lingers as flowers in Spring,
Luscious I remember will always seem.

That fourth sense of touch never can forget,
The sensations when skins they match.
Cause hearts to beat uncontrollably,
And breaths hastened to the beats.

Only once did our lips meet,
Yet this fifth feeling is forever engraved deep.
The taste of innocent lips,
The pervading taste of Love’s reach.

Such are five senses commonly said,
But one more true that is the sixth.
That the one truth from the heart Love speaks,
Is the one which overrules all the preceding.

Missing You & "Esmond's very own quote for December"

2005-12-09T06:36:00.000+08:00

Yes. It’s one of those nights I can’t fall into slumber again. What’s keeping me up? Thoughts of a dear friend. I still miss you; your every movement and smile. Your every memory that lingers in my mind. Your calls, the nights we shared and the promises we made. Every little thing baby. Love you still.

Esmond’s very own quote for December:
“They always say we long for things we can’t get. But sometimes, what we really miss are the things we once had.” ~ © Esmond Ng 09/12/05

“This Place” by Esmond Ng © copyright 25/11/05

2005-11-25T05:26:00.000+08:00

Just came back from the 166. (Ref: 11/07/05 “The 166”) Well, it’s been an awful long while since I last visited it. Although I was standing there on the chilly road, nothing about the place seemed biting at all. Every memory and feeling associated with this place flooded back into me without foretoken.

The 166

“This Place” by Esmond Ng © copyright 25/11/05
============================================

After all, this was where I first saw you in white angelic.
The place I picked you up from for our first date.
The place I thought I would see the sweetest thing to my eyes each every day.
The place which stayed the one who took my last true love breath away.

At this place I hold much lovely memories but also pain.
That I would hurt someone and disappoint her till this day.
At this place, never the same it will be.
At this place, they soon will tear down; cease to exist.

But at this place, though no longer soon be;
Will stay the same in heart and mind; like you be to me.
For I to you, believe you still say the same;
That you be a holder of past “begone” memories.

“From my eyes” by Esmond Ng © copyright 14/11/05

2005-11-14T20:35:00.001+08:00

Inspired by Kitty. http://forums.clubsnap.org/showthread.php?t=160039
If anyone found him/her already, do let me know yah?

Poor thing. (Image used with owner's permission)

“From my eyes” by Esmond Ng © copyright 14/11/05
==============================================

From my eyes,
Bustling profuse on streets.
Yet no one turns twice to see,
The agony I terrible be.

Stricken; injured leg I laid,
By the bin eyes so wretchedly.
None to hear my mewls aid,
None to helplessness I can relate.

From my eyes,
All caught up in own busy day.
How so no one to avail my pain?
Seems compassion yesteryear a trait.

For I am exposed feeble,
Without human speech and expression.
Without which I am prostrated,
To Death a certitude fate.

Although stray my parentage,
I am living and with filled feelings.
I am just a little kitten impoverished by strain,
Just a kitty, please on me have pity.

“Purple Butterfly” by Esmond Ng © copyright 04/11/05

2005-11-04T15:39:00.000+08:00

“Purple Butterfly” by Esmond Ng © copyright 04/11/05
==================================================

Purple prose the butterfly,
On flower top did it’s beauty shine.
Slender it’s body yet big,
Its wings of colors in social settings.

So attractive yet exclusive it be,
That all attention should flock around Thee.
For ornate and ever so pretty,
In mind though ago last I long time meet.

Purple in all ancient royalty,
My princess found I in Thee.
That all my world like the flower I be,
Should await your florid setting upon me.

Same feeling in abdomen I get,
Butterflies when you my eyes set.
For it be my heart beats uncontrollably,
When purple prose the butterfly I see.

Esmond's very own quote for November

2005-11-04T14:23:00.000+08:00

Had another dear friend who used to leave this as her nick in MSN. “Everyone goes through storms before finding their Rainbows.” (Source: Unknown) I actually quite agree with that statement. Personally, I found it very encouraging and empowering especially if you’re feeling blue.

Then, I realized an exception to this. What happens if you didn’t go through any storms? What happens if you just happen to walk past one after the storms had past? Does it mean it’s any less of a Rainbow?

It’s human to err. More so, it’s human to neglect and take for granted the lovely things and people around us each and every second. Often, we don’t appreciate them until they’re no longer there. Sometimes, we don’t even see them at all!

There are more Rainbows amongst us than we think. A lot of the time, we get so fixated on wanting to make something a Rainbow, we fail to see the apparent ones around us. We get so resolute on creating a miracle with someone or something that we just can’t see the other marvels occurring besides us. Hence, Esmond’s very own quote for November:

“Question: How do you find the prettiest Rainbows?
Answer: By looking past and around them instead.”
~ © Esmond Ng 04/11/05

My attempt at creating a Rainbow!

Concise Painting Synopsis:
(Arcylic on canvas, gloss vanish.)

Whilst planning, there were a couple of crucial elements for this painting. The proportions, textures and colors.

If you notice, there’s a very distinct separation between the black and the blue background. Similarly, people often see things in very clear cut situations of right and wrong, true or false, good or bad, et cetera. The picture is cropped. In the original painting, the black area takes up three quarters of the space; signifying that humans mostly like to perceive situations as “pessimistic” more.

On the dark side, texture is very cross-sectional and intentionally messy. Even the rainbow here is staggered and broken. This coincides with the confusion and stress on the moody area. The clear skies are nicely blue and white with smooth circular strokes. The rainbow over on this side is defined and congruent. When things seem bad or hopeless, look forward and you may see your Rainbow. The signature is in bright yellow; suggesting that hopefully, I may be of sunshine to others.

“I believe” by Esmond Ng © copyright 19/10/05

2005-10-19T11:31:00.000+08:00

“I believe” by Esmond Ng © copyright 19/10/05
==========================================

I believe in Love, true.
I believe in Valentines, everyday.
I believe in Fairytales and “Happily Ever Afters”.
I believe in finding you, someday.

I believe in “Made in Heaven”.
I believe in “Meant to be”.
I believe in Miracles of Fate.
I believe in someday you and me.

I believe in me giving everything.
I believe in you to me will reciprocate.
I believe in both fully giving and taking.
I believe in this, the Love of my Life does await.

I believe in someone believing the same things.
I believe in under this sky blanket we stay.
I believe in you be thinking of what I say.
I believe in true Love; really, someday.

“Rainbows” by Esmond Ng © copyright 12/10/05

2005-10-19T10:06:00.000+08:00

“Rainbows” by Esmond Ng © copyright 12/10/05
=========================================

Rainbows, the most spectacular show of lights on Earth.
Colors which make happy even the darkest of Hades.
Called so due to dispersed spectrum through mist,
Miracle of Nature indeed it is.

Seven colors some deem display of refraction properties.
Simply I ascribe each to every day of week,
That thoughts of you equally as pleasing sweet;
So such candied beauty is actually reflected on Thy cheeks.

What makes it all amazing, the bow of the rain,
Bending it’s colorations down for Thee.
Few fathom the top of bow is where ye sun is peaked,
The very place Thou be when Thy eyes chance upon should it.

More so fewer knows the sun be behind when Rainbows are seen;
The warm rays of console backing you though unseen.
When Thou should thinkst all is gloom and so biting,
Turn and look, there may your forlorn beam be.

I have heard from a dear friend this,
“That everyone through storms go before a Rainbow achieved.”
Think of it this, even Noah’s storm for forty days and nights did;
Take heart Dearie, your Rainbow is on due way soon you’ll see.

“The Disconsolate Angel” by Esmond Ng © copyright 06/10/05

2005-10-06T01:21:00.000+08:00

Wrote this in response to my friend's poem. Cheer up girl! You say everyone goes through a storm before seeing rainbows. I personally believe that each storm makes the next rainbow even more magical.

Found here:

:: CreStFalLeN ::
Tears fall,
But my smile remains.
They dont know,
I slowly go insane.
My soul died,
The day you walked away.
In case its the end,
I lay me down to pray.
What did I do,
For you to do me so wrong?
I tell me not to care,
All you did was make me strong.
But I miss you,
This I just can't deny.
I wish to hug you,
But I won't let you see me cry...

For Yvonne,

“The Disconsolate Angel” by Esmond Ng © copyright 06/10/05
=======================================================

Seemingly beyond consolation you lay,
In your tears hidden by the feigning smile you display.
But bystanders they truly see in Thy angelic grace,
That your rainbow will come soon; hold on to your faith.

Thou art remain strong I pray,
The disconsolate Angel in all so beauty’s allure.
If so really Thou’s soul did die when he went away,
How so the world stays in awe when my eyes set on your face?

For not all will appreciate an Angel image,
Just like an unbeliever to a miracle’s envisage.
Wrong he did to you; you so unfairly perceived,
However wrong then you, because he be the one on losing’s receive.

Sometimes Love not work our way,
It’s been so since man can relate.
Not at all smooth our experiences vouch this journey,
But after each means we are closer to our fairy dreamings.

With every heart-felt pain we take away,
Lessons learned, all of which valuable to assist.
After storms, we then know better what future brings,
And what to avoid when rainbow’s gold at end we see.

"Let IT look for you" & Esmond's very own quote for October

2005-10-02T03:55:00.000+08:00

In response to a comment left on my last post; I believe there isn’t a single straight-forward answer pertaining to where you can find your happiness. Happiness is a solitary state of being. Only you, yourself will know whether you are truly in bliss. I feel it’s neither a process of searching nor attaining. When it happens, it just happens.

I can’t give you an answer because I don’t have one. I too, have yet to realize any certitude of happiness. I have on occasions came close but only to recognize they were merely glimpses of heaven.

What I can leave you with is something gained on one of those “occasions”. This very dear person said to me:

“Don’t look for happiness, let it look for you. You’ll be much happier.” ~ Bubu

I know embracing this statement leaves us in a very uncertain, volatile capacity. Nevertheless, ponder over it. I have challenged it, but on return found much solace in it. Why I found this phrase comforting? Esmond’s very own quote for October:

“What you can force, isn’t meant to be.” ~ © Esmond Ng 02/10/05

"The Absence Of"

2005-09-13T01:06:00.000+08:00

Is there such a thing as being cold? You might say: “Of course! My air-conditioner works like a refrigerator!” Well, the truth is that there really isn’t such a thing as “cold”. We can have heat, a lot of it, or sometimes very little of it. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat at all. However, we cannot go any lower than that. There simply doesn’t exist something called “cold”. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy and measurable but cold is not the opposite of heat! “Cold” is a word we made up to describe the lack of heat.

Then is there something called “darkness”? We assume we see it every single night. The truth is…there isn’t! We can have little light, a lot of light, bright light or even flashing light. Darkness isn’t the opposite of light, it’s just the lack or absence of it. If there is such a thing called “darkness”, wouldn’t we be able to make it darker?

Similarly, we don’t have “death”. Death doesn’t exist as a substantial thing. It’s also not the opposite of life. Death is just the absence of life.

I was talking to a dear friend two nights back. She was saying that she can’t and/or doesn’t feel pain anymore. Immune, you might think? What did I say? “It’s not that you don’t feel pain, you just forgot how happiness and joy felt like.” My reasoning?

“Pain is not the opposite of Happiness. It’s the absence of it.” ~ © Esmond Ng 13/09/05

P.S. Anyway, today is the second month of our friendship. Happy Anniversary!

Heart's Beats

2005-09-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

I was at China Black Saturday night. (FYI, Esmond doesn't club often; it's just the PMS) Another one of my “friend’s friend’s” birthday party. Didn’t enjoy it one bit. Music wasn’t my type, the crowd wasn’t right. The majority of people there were like 18, 19? My gosh, pathetic! Not that I have any grudges with the youths, but when there’s so many of them, I just felt out of place.

I was doing two things last night after coming home. One, thinking of someone dear to me. Actually, it can’t be called “thinking” because this person is constantly on my mind. Two, watching “House” on AXN.

You know whenever there’s some medical show, there’s bound to be the monotonous machine that goes “DOOOoooooo” when the person dies? It’s so stereotypical. This lead me to wander about people’s heart beats. If you noticed by now, Esmond just thinks too much! He needs some rest!

Well, I was lying in my rainbow-colored bed, pitch black and quiet. (I really love my sheets; they were a present to me.) I listened hard; listened intently. That’s when I slowly heard my own heart beats. Nothing spectacular, just the sound of constant thumping. I stayed still in my crouched position for fear that I may lose the “angle” to hear the beats.

Whilst in that motionless recline, thoughts of my special friend started to flood my mind again. After awhile, I was just solely thinking of her. The beats, however were still there. Then suddenly, I heard an extra beat! (Serious!) Could I have heard wrongly? Maybe it’s the alcohol? I waited for it. Again, the off beat came! The beats started to become more obvious, gradually getting louder concurrently. This went on for about a min or so. The off beats got so overpowering that I could no longer hear my physical heart beats. I knew these weren’t my physical heart beats for they were much faster and inconsistent. It felt like they were beating at my every thought; the stronger the thought, the louder and quicker the beat!

This whole escapade seems so unbelievable and impossible, but it’s true! I wasn’t asleep, dreaming or drunk either! I knew what I heard. For me, it was totally real. Try it for yourself tonight! See if you can hear these off beats too. This night I discovered something new. I finally understood why poets of past describes “my heart beats for you”. And these are the beats that will not stop even when the machine goes “DOOOoooooo”.

Retail Therapy

2005-09-05T00:10:00.000+08:00

Retail Therapy. It really works! Don’t know how or why but it does! Shopping soothes the salvage beast. It’s true even for guys. When I last counted, I should have spent at least S$1500 in the last one week. I spent all the money I was saving for my new digital SLR camera! Worst still, I have absolutely no idea what I bought or spent it on! I feel slightly better now. I’m just waiting for my next mood swing so I have an excuse for shopping again!!! Damn it.

Esmond's very own quote for September.

2005-09-02T16:23:00.000+08:00

I was pondering over Selina’s MSN nick today. "Nothing is fair in this stupid world!!!" Well, life’s really not fair to me. It’s a big bitch I must agree. However, stupid? I’m not too sure. It kept me really thinking. Hence, Esmond’s very own quote for September. It’s not meant to be targeted at anyone, just people in general. In fact, I fall into this category sometimes too.

“There isn’t anything stupid about this world, just people who choose to be.” ~ © Esmond Ng 02/09/05

“Your Promise” by Esmond Ng © copyright 30/08/05

2005-08-31T03:13:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“Your Promise” by Esmond Ng © copyright 30/08/05
==============================================

Your promise to me, I cling on dearly;
Like a babe’s insecurity away from His mother’s embracing peace.
Your promise to me, I wish realized daily;
That each second passes, I die more so gradually.

In song, quando when Thee be mine?
Quando tornerete? My moments a day, my days truly a lifetime.
For in song seems improbable this relation be,
But in Life this be my soul song that sings.

When He simile’d that each thought of Thee a flower be,
That He then a garden could have beautiful and big.
I tell Thee this: “That my garden no smaller than His,”
“That my garden gardened duly due to Thee.”

I thinks’t not any little less of my baby,
Not today, these days or what tomorrow be.
That added frownings I want not for Thee,
Thus back to my secret garden I wait admirably;
My garden kept watered by your promise to me.

“Wish you with me” by Esmond Ng © copyright 30/08/05

2005-08-31T03:12:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“Wish you with me” by Esmond Ng © copyright 30/08/05
==================================================

In glee, my joyous soul longeth for Thee;
To share and savor each victory with Thou art and only.
That each becomes a pleasantly sweet memory,
One which I can in retrospect say: “Ah, I did that with Thee!”

In melancholy, my woeful heart’s voice calls for Thee,
To find solace and comfort when Thee beside me.
That Thou’s assuring voice and hug can be just as sugary,
As ye sunshine smile when I set eyes on my lovely.

Where art Thou when I so pined for Thee?
Where art Thou when moments I so wished spent along my baby?
That I could have so much more pleasing dreamings,
Where art Thou when I wish you with me?

“Four Dreams” by Esmond Ng © copyright 30/08/05

2005-08-30T04:57:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“Four Dreams” by Esmond Ng © copyright 30/08/05
============================================

The other night you were away,
Out went I, gallivanting amidst boisterous crowds.
Fluttering to music or rather, noises all too loud;
Loneliness did help, aid to plug them out.

How happy you could not see,
My face that moment of message yours I received.
But it must have been noticed my face which gleamed,
For burdened everyone else’s around me.

Seemingly drunk I stammered home,
However fresh your memory I hold untainted close.
That all I can think of is Thee in foreign land remote,
And how far my baby is though under the same moon glow.

After much debate did my eyes actually occlude,
To sleep I thought “Hey, tomorrow will be better posed.”
Serenity tranquil associated to rest not true,
For it seemed my night was terribly consumed.

Four times aroused through the dark slumbers,
Each time I recall, I dreamt of only you.
And once did I cry before from truly forty winks awoke,
How else could my pillow and sheets be soaked?

They say a drunk’s word most honest; it be true,
Wanted to know whose name I’d call if I were juiced.
Wanted to see if in Love really I be with you,
No need an answer now for my seek of candor truth.

For know I this moment where it belongs,
My heart and yearnings; they for you.
At least I fathomed my feelings as honest real,
At least I know now my breath breathes for you.

Useless Buy of the Month!

2005-08-26T18:17:00.000+08:00

Useless buy of the month! When will I ever get to wear it? Sigh. Impulse buying.

Fate versus Destiny versus Choice

2005-08-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

I believe in Fate. Fate is what causes events to happen and brings people to meet. It is something we have little control over. We can always choose where to go or appear, but we wouldn’t have a clue what would happen or the people we get to meet when we’re there.

However, I choose not to believe in Destiny. There are those who lament they’re not meant to successful. They say that they’re destined to fail. They postulate that Prime Ministers are “born”, not made. That they need to be “born” with special skills, characteristics and luck. More often than not, they present tons of reasons or rather excuses for themselves. Such as complicated family backgrounds, lack of support or even name a friend’s influence! Firmly, I beg to differ. Simply because there exists such a thing called “Choice”.

Choice is something that accosts us each and every day. Whether we choose a red or white shirt, whether we eat noodles or rice; almost each and everything we do, we have a choice. There’s really no such thing as no choice. It’s just seems so because we sometimes choose the easier way out straight away!

Whilst we are at “Choice”, it can be elementary placed into two main categories. One, those already made and two, those that are yet to be made. A decision of the past is a sunk one. It doesn’t matter anymore if it was right or wrong. What’s done is done! There’s no way to “turn back the clock” as Johnny Hates Jazz suggests. What’s important are those that you can still control, the choices you have yet to make; the decisions that affect your future! That’s the sole reason I can think of why it’s called “Choice” and not “Chosen”.

“Having the same dream” by Esmond Ng © copyright 19/08/05

2005-08-19T02:21:00.000+08:00

My friend, siLLyeGG wrote the following:

"She" © 17/08/05
=============
She may be the onli one I ever need
Except that she is now wif another kidz
Loving her secretly was not that sweet
In my mind I have feel the heat
Not knowing of what she may thinks
Alone I stay and continue my dream...
-eGG-

No offense but in some way, we share the same dream. In response:

“Having the same dream” by Esmond Ng © copyright 19/08/05
======================================================

My dream from awaken from slumber sweet,
Yet it be like still in drowse this romantic reverie.
She may be another’s only and ever need;
Else that, however her heart already with me.
Lest I be just some other simpleton kid,
I believe it be more than child’s play that me she fancies.
Not at all secret that Thou’s Love for her scorned in heat,
Agree I, that loving her is no easy feat.
Again reality painfully bites when arisen from sleep,
Not alone you, I too find solace so comforting in dreams.
Deem us Shakespeare’s blinding fools we both be,
Men in Love never really could objectively see.
Else why would He say: “…so is all nature in love mortal in folly.”

Esmond's very own quote for August

2005-08-18T02:36:00.000+08:00

It's time for my very own quote of the month. Yes, I noticed. There wasn't one for July. No inspirations, mate!

For this month, inspired by all the stubborn people around:

"There's nothing wrong with being stubborn. It only becomes a problem when you're stubborn over the wrong things!" ~ © Esmond Ng 18/08/05

Out of the blue, inspirations galore! Here's to make up for July. From personal experience:

"Being a loner doesn’t have to mean that you’re lonely. Equivalently, vice versa. The worse of the two? Being both at the same time." ~ © Esmond Ng 18/08/05

“Autumn” by Esmond Ng © copyright 18/08/05

2005-08-18T00:22:00.000+08:00

Wrote this to compliment Selina's PSD graphic. Not too sure if it gets the final go ahead to be added in. I figured this would go pretty well with the "leave-less" tree. For Selina,

“Autumn” by Esmond Ng © copyright 18/08/05
=======================================

Autumn disrobes Life of Spring,
Prepares for purity Winter brings.
White which follows path the way,
Cleanses so Life can start again.

Happy Belated National Day!

2005-08-15T03:39:00.000+08:00

Happy Belated National Day, Singapore!

“Happy Crying” by Esmond Ng © copyright 12/08/05

2005-08-12T02:21:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“Happy Crying” by Esmond Ng © copyright 12/08/05
==============================================

I know you have seen people crying,
When loved ones they leave.
I know you have seen people crying,
When things don’t move smoothly.

But have you seen people crying,
When loved ones they meet?
But have you seen people crying,
When even if it’s only been few days without each?

Such intense sensations erupted out suddenly,
Like volcanoes dormant no one expected it.
Such happiness shown in uncontrolled crying,
Such only a few would ever know this feeling.

You’d thought such only in movies forth coming.
It impossible that crying be a form of delighting.
Neither did I ever believed in it oxymoronic,
Until myself did I cry when happy and relieved.

“Treasure Before Lost” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/08/05

2005-08-11T04:03:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“Treasure Before Lost” by Esmond Ng © copyright 11/08/05
=====================================================

They say: “Why do people treasure things only after they lose it?”
May it be the missings during lonely moments?
May it be the memories so sweet brought back?
Perhaps even the familiarity of not having what used to be about?

Why then do people complain about those not already there?
Why then do people lament about things already sunk and gone?
But do they not see the after; what may in future store?
The subsequent treasures that may come forth?

I say to them: “Why treasure what’s already gone, already lost?”
What’s the use of saying treasure only after forgone?
Why not treasure what’s here and now?
What’s truly right in front of you that still is around;
And not turn into another treasure only after gone.

“Fireworks” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05

2005-08-09T05:52:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“Fireworks” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05
==========================================

I’m sorry my promise I couldn’t see with Thee,
The symphony of Fireworks that Thee so wanted so fancied.
Owing to circumstances I know both we can’t foresee,
I truly wanted it to be ours; our uniquely memory.

But Thee so chose to give to another this our memory,
That He may not even appreciate; just to entertain not genuinely.
Though with elseone Thee had viewed the colorings momentarily,
I wonder who be on Thy mind when Thee beheld the spectacle see?

My glimpse from afar though same as Thee’s,
My head under the same lit sky night really far away be.
I don’t know, I wonder what really;
But my foolish thinking that on Thee’s mind be me.

“How can you not know where It be?” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05

2005-08-09T04:56:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“How can you not know where It be?” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05
==================================================================

I remember everything you ever told me,
That examples many I can quote Thee.
How can Thee not know where it be?
That your Heart belongs to who with?

“That sooner or later people will know” shows it.
“That with Thee’s each missing of me” shows it.
“That with you have changed driver” shows it.
“That with each other’s face cringed” shows it.

“With each time you show me to others” proves it.
“With each penguin’s nod agreeing u miss me” proves it.
“With acknowledging already me your new driver” proves it.
“With each lovely and concerned word you speak” proves it.

Each kiss and hug that lands on other each,
Each intimate moment you could not have faked it.
Even to extent for my good Thee wanted to hurt only,
So that I may move on but you suffer silently.

“How can you not know where It be?”

“2 Days Without Sleep” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05

2005-08-09T04:24:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“2 Days Without Sleep” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05
======================================================

It be not 2 days without winks that is tiring,
Neither it be yawning nor aches that wear me; toll-ings.
But is with each second of wide-eyed awakenings,
That my missings for Thee that is killing.

I turn and toss without my mind stop pondering,
How it wrongs to be this way that should move in.
That not to sleep not owing to not physically draining,
But to heartaches and longings that my body is not sleeping.

“Half-Past Midnight” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05

2005-08-09T03:35:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

“Half-Past Midnight” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/08/05
===================================================

Half-Past Midnight, a time I look forward to every night recently;
When I stay glued to wait for Thee’s voice on other line so religiously.
That when retrospectively think back of these,
How many lovely nights did we chat away in secrecy?

Now that Thee is somewhat further away, snatched from me;
Does it mean that I wait not for Thee’s voice same time each lonely dark be?
Nay, I tell Thee I still do the same for now and eternity,
As long as I deem it all to be worth it; with no regrets live.

Even now it’s be somewhat long past it,
I long and pray even for a short message to make it sweet.
That each gloomy sky without hearing your voice gentle callings,
How then can you expect that I “Please to bed early”?

"What Melts Your Heart" © copyright 07/08/2005 Esmond Ng

2005-08-07T23:36:00.000+08:00

For Selina,

"What Melts Your Heart" © copyright 07/08/2005 Esmond Ng
==================================================

My voice, an abysmal void till an appreciated ear that heard.
The song which from my withins touched when lovers’ hearts grown.
Lest it be another day, another 24 hours that will toil,
My voice, seemingly grows weak and frail when thee not by me close.

Melts your heart, my voice over song I was told;
Melts the very depths of thy all so tired and lost now rekindled soul.
What really at work is not my voice as commoners so perceived,
But is the Love from both that this voice can do its magic deed.

That this bonding between us should so unjustly be thrown; away to cold.
That which thee takes your belongings too took my very soul.
Along with it my voice, bits and pieces of me,
Are thrown on hard floor, my poor old glass heart again shattered and broke.

“More than Dreams” by Esmond Ng © copyright 13/07/05

2005-07-13T20:59:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“More than Dreams” by Esmond Ng © copyright 13/07/05
===============================================

Dreams be to most snapping back into reality,
That with each dawning bright, ideas of wish fade into dark.
My mind often hear things with sensitivity,
So obscure it may seem like such idle dreams.

Do I really pick up any of Thy subtlety?
Hidden in simple art of word pictures see?
Or it be just plain foolishness on me,
To hold on these sands of Time; slipping through open fingers quickly.

Still stubbornness and wishfully tight I hold my grip,
Not wanting go my own fantasy dream.
Till this day feel that God would have kinder to me,
No goodbyes; that His grace could have shown through your sweet company.

“I can only dream” what Thee makes of it,
More than dreams I still pray that Thee revert decisions please.
For I know I’d treasure this silly love theme,
Even though it may just be another of my dawning dreams.

“The 166” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/07/05

2005-07-11T03:28:00.001+08:00

For Bubu,

“The 166” by Esmond Ng © copyright 09/07/05
======================================

It’s all at variance; the feeling now after ye move.
166 a place dear now seems so at ease.
Leisurely seated on the blue-tiled stool as writing these,
For depart’d fear of chance you’d see my doing this.

Not ever hoped I that I may glimpse of Thee,
Nor ever dreamt that my sight would cross with Thee’s.
But solace seeking and relish that I stay here,
Near my very own yellow-signed love story.

Even though Thou’s shadow has shifted expectedly,
More of a memory, a picture frame in mind it hath left me.
Yes, it may look silly or crazy some have deem’d.
To this special place frequent I still constantly.

The taint’d white cat cuddles up next to me,
As if it knows me, of my solitary misery.
Occasionally it steals glances; those that pierce right through the soul,
It be like saying: “Easy, I feel for you for I the same fate be.”

Still my thoughts would often play cruel tricks on me.
Thinking how nice it would be if all can restart from time on bridge.
For then, it would still feel like an eternity;
An eternity so perfect in fairy dreams.

How heart-wrenching that sound of bus should pull alongside me,
Snapping me out of my own world; this world of poetic release.
So as light breeze this night ends this week abruptly,
My leaving likened to Enya’s “Deora Ar Mo Chroi”;
“Tears Of My Heart” it sings indeed.

“How have you been?” by Esmond Ng 16/06/05 © copyright

2005-06-16T22:48:00.000+08:00

Been really stressed with work-related issues. Sometimes I just feel like dropping everything and go for a long, long holiday. (Maybe in some unknown Europe province and never come back) Have been so unhappy and down. Then suddenly I think of Thee. And thee brings a smile to me. (Then again, I don’t suppose I ever did stop thinking of you.) Hope you are doing well? I also supposed you have shifted by now. If not, the design company is seriously slacking. Maybe can upload a picture of the built-in LCD? Cool! I only have a ridiculously big-boxed bulky 21 inch. : (

You take care and maybe, just maybe I’ll get to see you someday……For Bubu,

“How have you been?” by Esmond Ng 16/06/05 © copyright
====================================================

Not sure if realize Thee, it’s been almost three full moons since last;
That I’ve seen those windows in eyes so lovely.
Last couple of days, can’t help me but thinks’t;
Of you and how Life has treated Thee.

I don’t have much ways to convey, to express.
But only through these words I message my thoughts that hoping you’d read.
That I’m still around wishing best everything for someone special to me.
That till this day, Thou art still amazing vividly.

Though short this period be, to me eternity time so seems.
Many things changed have may, from lodging to even studies.
Simple things these like, I have no benefit of sharing.
And simply no means of even knowing.

For no news is often said of as good news,
Thus I trust that Thee be well doing.
Sincerely I hope it be of this conjured case,
For if otherwise I’d be truly sad; hurting.

Pray I do still, that for you everything smooth sailing.
Many times, for my miracle that you’d call me so occasionally.
Most importantly however I need,
Thee be in happy bliss.

Life is full of shit!

2005-06-09T03:30:00.000+08:00

Yes it is. Bigger each and every time! Don’t be surprised to see me on the obituaries someday yah. I apologize to all the nice people that I have disappointed.

Negative Quotes

2005-06-04T05:11:00.000+08:00

These are some negative quotes I plucked off the net. Best read and forgotten. Warning: They are not meant to be inspirational or taken seriously! I better get some winks soon. Got to be at work at 7am!!!

“Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” -- George Santayana

"The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train." -- unknown

"That's the remarkable thing about life. No matter how bad it gets it can always get worse." -Calvin

"Just when you think you've finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel." -- unknown

"People will believe anything if you whisper it." -- unknown

"If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on." -- Murphy's Laws

"When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane." -- unknown

"When things are perfect, that's when you need to worry most." -- Drew Barrymore

"Today is the tommorow you dreaded yesterday." -- unknown

"Nobody's pain hurts worse than your own." -- 'Munky' James Schaffer

"Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening." -- unknown

"Every one is guilty of all the good they didn't do." -- Voltaire

"We tell you over and over again how wonderful and special you are and you just don't get it! What's wrong with you?!?" -- Helen Morgandorfer 'Daria'

"I'm not in denial. I'm just selective about the reality i choose to accept" -Calvin and Hobbes

"The hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle just to be you." -- unknown

"Don't ever slam a door. You might want to go back." -- unknown

“Here I’d be” by Esmond Ng 02/06/05 © copyright

2005-06-02T05:38:00.000+08:00

It was never your fault. For Bubu,

“Here I’d be” by Esmond Ng 02/06/05 © copyright
============================================

No need for that,
Sorry a word not meant this way.
Thee had not done to me on purpose,
Not Thy fault what of me that hurts.

For in Love this I can say true,
That no right or wrong can define to.
Thus if Thou truly be happy,
What sorry is need’d from Thee?

If any at all blame be needy,
Then it should be me to shoulder all it.
For I give my every in heart too easily,
When I encounter someone so worthy.

It be not deceitfully contriv’d,
For I would not pain for myself had plann’d it.
But of nature’s course I genuine did,
Fall head over heels so badly indeed.

Though I say these all with prose poetic,
Every word single I mean sincere herein.
Addition, not to make Thee guilty,
For that is last I want to achieve;
Surely, more pains’t to me if I knew it.

If, ever, if one day, Thee finds’t different.
That your heart would start beat for me,
I would hear and here I’d be.
If Thee feels ever such feelings,
Please, run to me.

For present, it be enough for me;
To know that all is well for Thee.
That in my dreams I can also rest easy;
Sweet and sugary I too want clos’d eyelids see.

I tell you actually,
That each before dreams I’d be,
Praying secretly, everything smooth for Thee.
That not hurt nor frown ever win,
The chirpy laughter I remember so clearly.

And till that if ever day ever really occurs,
I’d be cheering you on, as a friend so dearly.
For if aid Thee should require of me,
You can trust your good friend here,
Here I’d be.

Esmond's very own quote for June ©

2005-06-02T01:38:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I try so hard to find quotes of the month to fit into my personal experiences and Life. So this month I thought: “What the heck? I’ll come up with my own quotes instead! Specially dedicated to Bubu,

“There are some people that enter your Life, then exit the very next moment. Yet there are those special ones whom come into your Heart and never really manage to find their ways out. That, my friend, is how you know you have truly lived.” ~ © Esmond Ng 02/06/05

My Monday Entry

2005-05-31T04:13:00.000+08:00

Please excuse my grammar and spelling. Am writing this whilst a bit drunk. Was at Devils just now. Celebrating Daniel’s (Karan’s bf) birthday. It’s been such a long time since I last went clubbing. (Especially on a Monday!) Had this girl (a friend’s friend) who came up to talk to me. She asked me for my name. I instantly said: “I’m gay.” Haha, so fun. You should have seen her reaction! First time I told a girl this. It’s not that I’m really gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but I just didn’t feel like chatting up another girl. Then I started to send unnecessary messages. Sorry yah? I know that was really redundant and uncalled for.

Was working at Expo last Sunday. Was quite happy as I donated to the SPCA tin-can. These animals really deserve more than being ill-treated. They have feelings too, you know? I shan’t name the event but I felt the organizers were really ill-planned and insensitive. They had this VIP room for some function. Knowing that there were disabled people attending, they should have provided for their needs. A simple ramp would have been so appropriate! I saw the poor guys struggling to get into the room.

To make things worst, I fell down after dinner!!! You know the wires going round my floor in the bedroom? I tripped and flew into my living room! The funny thing is that I was holding to my dinner plate as I fell. And it was still in my hand after I landed. The only thing is that the residual food in the plate spilled all over the floor. I landed so hard on my elbow it really hurts now. Ouch!

Really struggling to write now as my head is seriously spinning. Need to crash real soon. Anyway, just want to say: “Thanks for taking my breath away.” I’m so glad I got to meet you in this Life. Even if I could turn back time, I’d still choose to have met you. Take care meanwhile.

Wedding Bells!!!

2005-05-29T03:52:00.000+08:00

Enjoyed my time at the SMC chalet last night. Had even won myself a multi-purpose toolkit! The highlight was of course something bigger.

My sincere congratulations to Andy aka Remus and Evelyn aka Ravageress to their new found life! It was such a touching moment. When Andy came up to stage, everyone thought he was going to introduce his company product. Suddenly he requested his girlfriend (Evelyn) to come up, got down on his knees and proposed to her!

My tears almost flowed out. I introduced Evelyn to Andy barely half a year ago and now, they are going to tie the knot already! I don’t care, better give me the VIP table at the banquet I tell you. I’m just so very excited for them and their new journey together in life. I wish you both the best in your marriage and make sure you “factory” a few chubby kids for us to play with yah?

I wonder how I’m going to propose to my future girlfriend. Hmm…I have to be more dramatic and creative than Andy. After all, Esmond’s a die-hard romantic when it comes to these things.

Not going to write too much tonight as I’ve to work tomorrow. : ( Have to be at the Expo at 9 am in the morning. Might not be sleeping tonight for I know myself. If I go to dreamland now, I’d probably end up oversleeping. Just plan to catch up on some serial VCDs instead.

A special thanks to Bubu for reading my stuff once in awhile. That itself makes me a happier person already. The SMS really made my night perfect and complete. Really appreciate it!

Exams, Exams.

2005-05-27T03:00:00.000+08:00

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Proverbs 16:3

Study smart yah?

Wow! This gal is so freaking enlightening!

2005-05-27T02:43:00.000+08:00

Was reading a blog I randomly entered. This gal wrote something which is so freaking enlightening!

little somethin i wrote...
the irony of love
The greatest irony of love;
loving the right person at the wrong time,
having the wrong person when the time is right
and finding out you love someone right after
that person walks out of your life...

and sometimes, you think you''re already over a person,
but when you see them smile at you,
you''ll suddenly realize that you''re just pretending
to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that
they will never be yours again...

for some, they think that letting go is one way
of expressing how much they love that person...
in my opinion, some are afraid to see the one they love
being held by someone else...

most relationships tend to fail not because
the absence of love. love is always present.
it''s just that one was being loved too much and
the other was being loved too little...

as we all know that the heart is the center of the body
but it beats on the left. maybe that''s the reason
why the heart is not always right...

most often we fall in love with the person we think we love
but to only discover that for them we are just for passing time.
while the one who truly
loves us remains either a friend or a stranger...

so here''s a piece of advice;
let go when you''re hurting too much.
give up when love isn''t enough.
and move on when things are not like before...
For sure there is someone out there
WHO WiLL LOVE YOU EVEN MORE...

Source:
posted by retroglam at: 5/8/2005 9:00:00 PM - 23989
on http://retroglam.blogster.com/blogApp/?u=retroglam&

Especially the part about the heart being on the left thus it's not always "right". I don't know if I can agree. I think this varies from person to person though.

Walking

2005-05-27T02:38:00.000+08:00

Nope, this is not a Johnnie Walker advert. In a way, it describes me pretty well. I like to take my time. Sitting by myself at the cafe, by the beach, et cetera.

"There are some good things to be said about walking. Not many, but some. Walking takes longer, for example, than any other known form of locomotion except crawling. Thus it stretches time and prolongs life. Life is already too short to waste on speed. I have a friend who’s always in a hurry; he never gets anywhere. Walking makes the world much bigger and thus more interesting. You have time to observe the details. The utopian technologists foresee a future for us in which distance is annihilated... To be everywhere at once is to be nowhere forever, if you ask me."
--Edward Abbey from "Walking" in The Journey Home

“Eagles of the Bay” by Esmond Ng © copyright 26/05/05

2005-05-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

I’m so happy today! Guess why? I saw my Eagles in play! Was by the Merlion again for 3 odd hours. And from nowhere, out it came!

Hmm….why does the above sound so poetic? Haha. Anyways, I was doing my work there and sipping on my take-away cappuccino. I sat on the lion’s right, first row of steps. Weather was just fantastic this late afternoon. A bit too many tourist though. Then suddenly it happened, I saw my eagle come out to play! (Ref “Time of bridge” Tuesday, March 29, 2005. Ref "The different same old bridge" Wednesday, May 18, 2005.)

I was overjoyed when I saw it! I presume there’s not many around so it must be the same one. Five minutes later, it flew out again. This time a little one was chasing her around!!! I guess that really made my day! Wohoo!

For Bubu,

“Eagles of the Bay” by Esmond Ng © copyright 26/05/05
==================================================

Many times I’ve come and disappointed left.
Many tries for familiar sights to find; refresh.
Yet they seem to elude me with each and every visit,
By the bay, which for me have come to like.

Like may be too light a word used,
Heavy, it should be love the place I do.
Memories I hold dear survive at this bay,
And new paintings, pictures see I each stay.

Today must lucky have been my day,
Wait’d and our Eagle appear’d in soaring height.
Like Cupid’s arrow that dart’d across ye clear blue sky,
So too it was there, that His arrow shot me;
Making me Love’s blind.

That must have been all you’d say.
Elated I be this very day.
However just when all couldn’t be more bright,
Out came a little Eagle chasing His mother’s flight.

Oh how much glee they brought to me,
This day I regret not, myself by this sea.
For I know sometimes Thee doeth the same as me,
Try perhaps too, spot them and thinks’t of me.

Wee Hour Blues

2005-05-26T04:16:00.000+08:00

Ever felt that you just can’t get to sleep? Well, that’s a frequent occurrence to me. In fact, I can’t get to bed most of my days. I don’t remember a night that I actually managed getting to my lala land before 4am for the past month and a half already.

Sometimes I get so caught up in my own little world, I fail to see things around me. When I can’t get to sleep, I would often drive out and “tour” places that were significant in my life. It’s just me to hold dear, memories that I really cherish. You can’t imagine how many times I’ve been to these places just to relive or get adsorbed into my “moments”. (Ref. Your Moments – 911 September 11, 2004)

I was walking towards the infamous “Durian” last evening when I saw Ricky and Hamster at the SIC coffee shop. Well, I waved and they reciprocated. However, I sense that they didn’t really like to see me. I’m not perturbed at all by their feigning smiles. After all, they are entitled to their own opinions. And they ain’t significant enough to me to bother me. Each and every time when I’m at my bridge, I see something different. It’s nice to know that this bridge is special to so many others too. I’ve tried sitting on every bench to figure out which one I was really on when I first fell in love with that place. I sort of have an idea but can’t be absolutely sure.

I spend an extra hour getting home whenever I choose to visit my bridge after work. However, that doesn’t get to me. When I’m at my bridge, it just brings me so much peace and I always leave happy. Don’t know if you feel the same when you leave that area but it sure works for me! That’s probably all my thoughts at this moment. Sleep early yah? Goodnight and take care.

Something is wrong! Anyone else feel it?

2005-05-26T02:25:00.000+08:00

I can’t help but feel this way. Call it intuition or even over-sensitivity, but I just can’t stop thinking that something is wrong somewhere! It’s been like this for the past couple of days. And it’s making me so edgy. Like something serious has happened to someone close to me. Really can’t put my finger on it. I pray that God watches over all, especially my friends and close ones. If you feel that I’m talking about you, please confide in me. I might not be able to help, but I’ll definitely be here for you. Please.

I thAnk u for wAd u R t0 Mi, aNd tHis spEciaLly foR Ya :

2005-05-26T02:16:00.000+08:00

Got this from someone's testimonial in friendster. The person who sent it really appreciated her friend. You can tell by the testimonials that she left. Found it a really nice and complete way to describe "friendships".

“Friendships come n friendships go,
Some r real n some are jus for show.
The friendship between us,
Is no mad fuss.
We've had our differences,
I learnt n let go.
I'm glad I did cause now I know.
Friends r there through thick n thin,
To make u happy, smile n grin.
They r there to stick up for u when
others r there to hurt,
They wont disappoint u behind your
back or talk any dirt.
Friends r there to brighten the days
that seem so rough,
They r there to share happiness when
things r no longer tough.
They r there to talk about guys u like
n dont,
And they wont go after a man u like-
never will n wont.
A friend is someone special u can
confide in n trust,
Everyone needs people like this in
their life,
as it’s a definite must.
A friend is someone u can talk to each
n every day,
And that U can believe in evarithin
they say.
I'm glad to have know someone, who is
all of these and more to,
And Well yeah...of course tt is U!"
by Ashley Williams

“Lavender Tales” by Esmond Ng 24/05/05 © copyright

2005-05-25T13:31:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“Lavender Tales” by Esmond Ng 24/05/05 © copyright
================================================

Lavender, color of pale violet;
Pallid my checks without sight of thee.
Yet ye color of radiance beams,
On thy face is what long I to see.

Wildly commonly cultivat’d,
So wild my bushes burn for thee.
Tardily the bush fires my heart in,
Eats up single every ounce of me.

Its oil produce from which,
Makes luscious what perfumes need.
With each squeeze of the purple dream,
Comes each true feeling felt for thee.

Lavandula, fragrant really to me,
Not because of smells to flowers sweet;
But for meanings within thee thou has to agree,
That my Love, you equal as to it.

“Everyday Valentines” by Esmond Ng 18/05/05 © copyright

2005-05-25T13:21:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“Everyday Valentines” by Esmond Ng 18/05/05 © copyright
=====================================================

I believe in Valentines,
Fact be that everyday should as such.
When Lovers’ hearts each meet,
Words redundant they become;
For Love is ye language that is needs.

Search I have for all my beating’s eternity,
Finally saw ye girl of it’s burning beseech.
That to the one and only such words I cannot repeat,
For everyday valentines,
Was only meant for Thee.

“Paint my memories” by Esmond Ng © copyright 25/05/05

2005-05-25T02:04:00.000+08:00

For "Ms Crazily",

I'm truly sorry. I'm glad in a way we didn't even have a start. You deserve to find what you are looking for. You are right, I'm not worth it. Have a good NY trip.

I think I owe you at least one decent poem; compared to the rubbish rap I was trying to dish out the other night. Everything I need to tell you is inside.

“Paint my memories” by Esmond Ng © copyright 25/05/05
===================================================

I know Sorry is a word redundant,
When you have set out to eradicate me.
I know my explanations mean nothing,
For a verdict like a judge did pass me.

The reason for end is not as important as the ending,
This finale is not at all beautiful like stories seem.
But it may be best this way an end to all these,
For I realize myself too that anything to you I can’t promise.

I did enjoy your company, I really did.
Everything a memory I would still want to cherish.
Never did intend to use thee lik’d thee had deem’d me,
But it’s really not crucial the reasoning already.

For know myself more through knowing thee,
That in my heart someone else is still within me.
“Paint my memories” she did really,
A painting with varnish and medium to last for centuries.

Lest it be less use to say it,
It be best still the word to put it.
Thou do deserve someone better, someone that can give;
Sorry, that for you one is not me.

2005-05-18T02:41:00.000+08:00

Was at the Esplanade the whole afternoon and evening on Tuesday. It was drizzling and thus the dark picture. Such a memorable bridge for me, yet it seems the bridge so different now.

The "Differing Poles"

Ref. “Time of bridge” Tuesday, March 29, 2005.

“The different same old bridge” by Esmond Ng 18/05/05 © copyright
==============================================================

Walk’d back to the all so familiar bridge.
Today it seems gloomy, might may drizzle rain due.
Stopp’d and sat on the same damp seat,
Today it really be different, the same old bridge.

The entire arvo I did spend by the bay,
Waiting for sights so well I knew.
But never did my eagle appear,
Nor my differing poles look pretty still.

People that jostl’d, travelers fearless of ye heaven’s tears.
Flashes that capture memories, all were in use.
Even a newly wed, in angelic whites brave’d;
The rain, which fell on me only feel.

Time on bridge which for we still’d;
Had left my side like which you did too.
Time, no longer a friend on ye lovely bridge.
For grey turned to darks’t and day to night’s way gave.
Nay, the different same old bridge did not stand still.

The Newly Weds' "Time of Bridge"

2005-05-18T02:33:00.000+08:00

Ref. “Time of bridge” Tuesday, March 29, 2005.
Ref. "The different same old bridge" Wednesday, May 18, 2005.

The newly weds from the previous post. Wishing you a happily bliss “Ever-After”. It's their moment indeed. Their moment in "Time of Bridge".

The Newly Weds' "Time of Bridge"

2005-05-17T03:28:00.000+08:00

“My Diary” by Esmond Ng © copyright 17/05/05
===========================================

I have a diary.
Which I write of things I can’t express here.
My inner most thoughts and feelings I unreservedly explicit.
Of which many are glum and melancholy.

I have a diary.
It be where my solace is.
For no other can relate to me; the way it can, truly.
Experiences, my journal; my life story.

If Heaven so decree and unkind be,
Let me make my final entry.
Then let the world be made known,
That this be my best work yet.

For the essence of my diary,
Is really what my Life means.
That no word in existence more appropriate,
Describe what Pain be.

So is this end of road for me?
If so really, pray do read my diary.

2005-05-16T17:15:00.000+08:00

Was inspired to write this through my friend’s wedding earlier this year. I remember that a big group of us were invited to the dinner. Being the “official” group, we actually made his life very difficult. The emcee, who was also one of us decided to bombard him with a host of obstacles and questions before he can reach the stage to cut the cake.

Of the questions, there was one that struck me particularly. “How much do you love your wife?” After some pondering, he said: “Deeper than the ocean, wider than the sea.” So I asked myself. “If I were asked the very same question, what would my answer be?”

For Bubu,

“What is Love?” By Esmond Ng © copyright 16/05/05
=================================================

On my accustom’d bed laid I, grimly darks’t only moonshine through curtain slits;
My mind wonders’t, ponders and travels far within.
Of the meagre light shone, cast dainty a shadow on my wall facing.
Could this be my shadow? The shadow which of me speaks.

Thus called I out to him. “What be Love? My dear man, please forward me.”
“What be Love to you do you deem?”

“Is all talk about oceans deep and mountains steep that true Love sits?”
“Or rather the eye of Love’s first sight; a feeling from within?”
“Maybe, even a warm fuzzy heat that burns like fire uncontroll’d?”
“At the very least, it must be some form of comfort, familiarity and ease?”

Then my shadow spoke: “What be it really to you, Love?”
“The most important person and thing to you think of.”

As I laid, close my eyes and a tear roll’d it’s way out.
For at that tear’d instance knew I, what I’d say if asked.
“How much you, do Love me?”
My answer be: “More than myself deep.”

I Can Love You Like That

2005-05-16T02:40:00.000+08:00

Found myself humming to the words of this song earlier today. It’s from way back, but I really love the lyrics. In some strange unexplainable way, this song seems written specifically for me! Haha. For those who don’t know Esmond that well yet, I’m really a very dreamer type of person when it comes to relationships.

Well, some of you may already have found your “perfect” partner already. Good on ya mate! Just make sure you cherish and love them with every damn thing you’ve got! For they don’t really appear before you every other day.

I Can Love You Like That
========================
All-4-1
from "And The Music Speaks"
(Steve Diamond/Maribeth Derry/Jennifer Kimball)

They read you Cinderella
You hoped it would come true
That one day your Prince Charming
Would come rescue you
You like romantic movies
You never will forget
The way you felt when Romeo kissed Juliet
All this time that you've been waiting
You don't have to wait no more

I can love you like that
I would make you my world
Move Heaven and Earth if you were my girl
I will give you my heart
Be all that you need
Show you you're everything that's precious to me
If you give me a chance
I can love you like that

I never make a promise I don't intend to keep
So when I say forever, forever's what I mean
I'm no Casanova but I swear this much is true
I'll be holdin' nothin' back when it comes to you
You dream of love that's everlasting
Well baby open up your eyes

You want tenderness-I got tenderness
And I see through to the heart of you
If you want a man who understands
You don't have to look very far

The Shattered Vase

2005-05-14T06:20:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

Many people would regard one as imperfect even though it has been pieced back. Most of them would just throw it away and buy a new one. You’d probably be able to see the cracks visibly. Or even have fragments in-between missing.

Well, I have never broken one. However, I have damaged things precious to me before. I still remember vividly when I was just 13. My favourite grandma brought me something that I have always longed for. A skateboard! I clearly recall that my parents were dead against it and were so very adamant about it. Guess what? My grandma bought it for me and secretly “smuggled” it to my place! Kind of cool for a grandma eh?

Just to digress a bit, she’s longer with us. Nevertheless, I still miss her a lot and think of her every now and then. I just regret not being a filial grandson and never ever getting to tell her how much I really love her. One day, she just left us all suddenly. I know she’s happy with God now. I love you, granny.

Just last Christmas, I heard the DJ on Class 95FM asking the listeners which were their most memorable Christmas. I immediately wrote in my dedication for my granny.

“Every Christmas is just as memorable and special to me. The reason being that my granny’s birthday is on Christmas. Every year, I regret not being able to tell her how much I really love her. Thus every Christmas, I am reminded to tell all those that matter to me how much I really appreciate and cherish them.”

Didn’t know if my dedication was read out but I’m sure my granny heard it.

Back to the skateboard. Well, you know what they say about such things? You always break something. In my case, I broke the skateboard and almost broke my ankle along with it! It could not be repaired but I still have and keep it today.

You see. It’s not the broken skateboard or vase that is the issue. It’s what the item really represents to you that is important. To me, it’s not a malfunctioning skateboard but an item of love from grandma to me. It just depends how bad you still want the vase. Of course, only you alone will truly know your vase’s weightage and appeal. Follow your heart and you will be happy. I need you to be.

Thou art enough

2005-05-13T13:07:00.000+08:00

Yes, truly. Thou art enough for me.

"The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain signing to it...you and you alone make me feel that I am alive...Other men, it is said, have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough."
--George Moore

Quotes of the Month

2005-05-13T13:02:00.000+08:00

Maybe some of these can be the quotes of the month?

"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies."
--Aristotle

"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities."
--Janos Arnay

"My night has become a sunny dawn because of you."
--Ibn Abbad

"A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous."
--Ingrid Bergmen

"Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."
--Sarah Bernhardt"

In my wildest dreams, you always play the hero. In my darkest hour of night, you rescue me, you save my life."
--Bliss and Cerney

"You're nothing short of my everything."
--Ralph Block

"What I do and what I dream include thee, as the wine must taste of its own grapes..."
--Elizabeth Barret Browning

"Like music on the waters is they sweet voice to me."
--Lord Byron

"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you."
--Roy Croft

"Thou art to me a delicious torment."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It's so easy, To think about Love, To Talk about Love, To wish for Love, But it's not always easy, To recognize Love, Even when we hold it.... In our hands."
--Jaka

"Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one."
--John Keats

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
--Helen Keller

"In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing."
--Mignon McLaughlin

"Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."
--Robert Sexton

"My heart is ever at your service."
--William Shakespeare

"Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again."
--Unknown

"If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, I would have the whole night sky in the palm of my hand."
--Unknown

"If you love me only in my dreams, let me be asleep forever."
--Unknown

"Kiss me and you will see stars; love me and I will give them to you."
--Unknown

"The most eloquent silence; that of two mouths meeting in a kiss."
--Unknown

"Love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
--Elizabeth Browning

"If I know what love is, it is because of you."
--Herman Hesse

"If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever."
--Alfred Lord Tennyson

2005-05-12T17:38:00.000+08:00

Wrote this for Joanna's friend. I can totally empathize with you as I've been through exactly the same issue 4 years ago. Take heart and pray. God's there. Here's my version of a deliberating encouragement.

“Tea Leaves” by Esmond Ng 12/05/05 © copyright
============================================

Away on slopes of different air,
Where ye painting on wall is really nature’s own;
Mountains line the pearly clouds,
That’s where my tea leaves grows’t.

The green that edges ye horizon,
The vast color of which serene grown;
Yet with each harvest that comes along,
Only the top leaves nonpareil.

Grey be by name my favorite tea,
Though woody and spicy it’s taste be;
Equivalent I say, it be Shiraz of tea,
But pleasure to palate it surely brings to Thee.

Like all good things Life which brings,
Thou needs really look beyond to see.
Appreciating the simple and ordinary,
Then and only pick the top few leaves.

Along midway sometimes grey it all seems,
Everything so looks going agains’t Thee.
Did I mention no rose beds amongs’t the leaves?
Hold on tight and God’s peace keep.

Even the best are cropp’d and trimm’d,
But like tea leaves they never cease;
Seasons, grows’t and flourishes once again.
So really, should Thee.

2005-05-12T13:19:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“The Twenty-Seven” by Esmond Ng 12/05/05 © copyright
==================================================

Though the hand of clouds shielded most brights from our sights,
Twenty Seven was more than enough for me.
The beautiful night not dimm’d for moment single,
For thee was by my side and right.

Lays’t down on fine sand we had be,
Everything truly was splendid as in dreamer’s plead.
Of all remember I, for it be most deeply engrav’d;
The momentous laze and too be it our first friendship embrace.

Often I would recall, thinks’t and relish;
Revel in all astonish’d honesty.
That it seem’d I’d known you for ages before,
Even though fate had decree’d chosen to so late.

In all instantaneous like combustion of passion flames,
I’d found, finally, with clear certitude.
That so Life without you,
Really feels like night skies not fill’d.

And maybe, just so now it darks’t that way;
I know deep down that because of Thee,
My twenty seven will always shine,
And my Life is brightly lit,
Because of you.

2005-05-07T03:41:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“I’m still me” by Esmond Ng 06/05/05 © copyright
==============================================

I know it seems different now,
A very chang’d circumstance we be in.
With every exchange liken’d to,
The decay of cold fatality wins.

For days, hours, seconds they creep by;
Exacerbate bad to its superlative.
Though I be thought of as repugnant,
Is that the really of me you knew?

Distrust and disbelief they set in,
Find my all so unnecessarily burden’d.
One day it be hard to see me;
The me who has always been.

For I am who you first chanc’d to meet,
I am the very same from the beginning.
Looks’t back and pray thee remember please,
Memory the same very old me.

童话

2005-05-07T03:37:00.000+08:00

Another favourite song that's really close to my heart.

童话
=====
歌手:光良

忘了有多久
再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久
我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说
童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂
从你说爱我以后
我的天空星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里
你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信
相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局

2005-05-06T03:20:00.001+08:00

For Bubu,

“Saga Seeds” by Esmond Ng © copyright 04/05/05
===========================================

I thinks’t of thee from time to time,
Wonder if at times, I cross’d thy mind?
Even in dreams, thee appears.
Sometimes however good or bad,
Is still as sweet a dream can be.

Dreams be the only place I can see.
Now that live I unaccustom’d without thee;
Ye only place which sweet be to me.
Yes, I think back to places where we’d be.
Yes, they are such lip-lifting memories.

Like Saga Seeds which thinks’t of begone acts,
Something which we both can attest;
Relish of sentiments past and gone,
A trait that you wouldn’t not understand.

Thus pray I to thee, blame not be unto me.
For it is in genuine me,
To thinks’t and not forget thee.

2005-05-06T03:20:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“The Glass Globe Dream” by Esmond Ng © copyright 04/05/05
======================================================

As the world within the glass globe seems,
So pretty and everlasting be.
I wish the same of every Love story.
In one way within, perfection and fairytale achiev’d.

Precious Moments may some see it,
Forever memories others deem.
For others like me, looking in from the world outside;
It really be forlorn a journey.

Whether be me or another in glass globe dream,
Sincerely wish I the best for thee.
For really if I have Loved or so I’m convinc’d,
Then be happy is all I need from thee.

2005-05-06T03:19:00.001+08:00

“Life goes on?” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 © copyright
==============================================

Life goes on.
Although my heart stops beating,
And the twenty seven stars shine not.
Life goes on, it’s intriguing.

If indeed Life is of living,
Then mine is surely lie.
For what is One, where there is no meaning?
When every worth living has stopped shining.

I’ve tried, really have tried I.
It be not ease I assure thee.
For if case be, this I would not write.
But Life goes on.

I will survive and carry on.
Or say that just so cheat thyself.
For this juncture so seems
That Life does goes on without going on.

2005-05-06T03:19:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“I knew I Loved you before I met you” by Esmond Ng 04/05/05 © copyright
====================================================================

Never understood why songs said of Loving before finding.
Till thy perfection grac’d my all so abysmal Life.
Realize’d then that songs may somewhat be speaking of you.

What really means the lyrics my interpretations be,
That I’ve Loved everything which you possess and represent.
Thus so it seems that all this search while, is really for you.

In that way, I‘ve actually Loved before finding.
Cherish’d before knowing, and found before finding.
For everything you are,
Is image of what I’ve long’d for past decade still.

2005-05-06T03:17:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

Flipping by Esmond Ng 06/04/05 © copyright
========================================
Remember the time your notebook took I from you?
Flipped to the end page and this which wrote;
Sweet a little message, sugary like you.
Of my purpose, penning thoughts so true.

Meaning the flipping to back I construed,
Signifies which back of my mind are you.
That with each day that is renewed,
The first thought, my smile begins with you.

Wrote I too that hopping each time could you,
Flip to the back and thinkst of me too.

(THERE'LL NEVER BE) ANOTHER YOU

2005-05-04T12:22:00.000+08:00

Must have replayed this song a million times in office this morning. As usual, the sentimental Esmond started to tear again! This song really touches my heart. Can anyone else relate to this song?

(THERE'LL NEVER BE) ANOTHER YOU
===============================
Michael Damian 1991 - Album of "Dreams of Summer"

I have a life. I live a lie
It's more like living day to day
Just to get by
And it's OK cause I get through
But I know there'll never be another you.

I got my friends
They're always there
And someone special that I know who really cares
But late some nights
A voice cries through
Reminding me there'll never be another you.

I can recall all those winters and falls
Nights of love that I thought would be always with us
Writing our plans on the beach in the sand
But they faded through time in the wind and with you, ohh...

I think of you from time to time...
Sometimes I wonder if I ever cross your mind
But looking back is hard to do
Cause it reminds me there won't be another you, ohh...

If I could hold you again for one night
it would make my whole world come alive again, ohh...

I will survive and carry on
Once in awhile I hear an old familiar song
It takes me back and makes me blue
Reminding me there'll never be another you
Yes, I know there'll never be another you!

As You Like It (II)

2005-05-04T00:46:00.000+08:00

From my favourite poet again. How true that truth be he speaks.

"We that are true lovers run into strange capers; but as all is mortal in nature, so is all nature in love mortal in folly."
--From As You Like It (II, iv, 53-56)

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."
--From As You Like It (II, vii, 139-143)

2005-05-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“You told me” by Esmond Ng 29/03/05 copyright ©
=============================================

I’ve waited such a lonely time, yearning for nothing less,
of what past poets express’d with pens.
The plot beyond words, and story beyond thoughts,
oh how tough it was, the search.

But when my eyes met those windows of thee,
your very soul it pour’d to me.
A strange unexplainable feeling overwhelm’d it did,
the Holy One must have brought thee to me.

How we surpass’d writers of past, with no words we achiev’d more;
with no pens we wrote scores.
Music never as melodic, voices never so in one.
Thou need’d not say, I would the message.

Yes, you told me everything. Amazingly without anything saying.
Yet why need I explain, you told me already.

2005-05-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

I wrote this last year to encourage a friend. Now, it seems this poem is really "easier said than done".

Life is Beautiful – 28/09/04 copyright © Esmond Ng
================================================

Life was never meant roses lining the way
Nor it be shelter from storms and winds strong
If it truly be of other case
Then never will thee see wars that cometh strife and pain’st

God, my father whom doeth incredible things
Not see do we his fathomed plans which play
Meant not what rain is to us, but is to trees on the plain
Sometimes really Fate not work our way

Cry you, “Please be like yesterday”
“Pray no”, I say to thee as no such thing
As rainbows grace the blue after the grey as you’d think’st
So too, look forward to the after where there is not yet pain

If Achievement came before Failure as in dictionaries’ say
Man would know never how success came
Memories honestly mean the past now sunk’st
Why bore over then relish the already won

Phyllis which is green bough to the Greeks
Signifies Life from you which brim
Never did leaves cease growing should they be trimm’d
Ask, why then should thee not flourish again.

Some kind of Love

2005-05-04T00:15:00.000+08:00

The following were also in my friendster at one point. Found them really nice. Or rather, very heart-felt by me. Thought perhaps you'd like them too?

"Was just wondering if u still drop by occasionally?"
- Esmond 17/04/05

Love is that condition in which
The happiness of another person
Is essential to your own.
~ by Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land ~

Love, you know, seeks to make happy rather than to be happy.
~ by Ralph Connor ~

I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me ...
I would die.
~ by Shirley Bassey ~

I have loved to the point of madness;
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love.
~ by F. Sagan ~

If I go away
What would still remain of me?
The ghost within your eyes?
The whisper in your sighs?
You see...Believe
And I'm always there.
~ by Jon Oliva ~

I sought for Love
But Love ran away from me.
I sought my Soul
But my Soul I couldn't see.
Then I sought You,
And I found all three.
~ by Unknown Author ~

The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
~ by Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi ~

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
~ by Karen Sunde ~

You may only be one person to the world
But you may also be the world to one person.
~ by Anonymous ~

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.
~ by Anonymous ~

To love a person is to learn the song
That is in their heart,
And to sing it to them
When they have forgotten.
~ by Anonymous ~

The only things in life you regret,
Are the risks that you didn't take.
~ by Anonymous ~

True love doesn't have a happy ending:
True love doesn't have an ending.
~ by Anonymous ~

You don't love a woman because she's beautiful,
She is beautiful because you love her.
~ by Anonymous ~

Love is not a matter of counting the years...
But making the years count.
~ by Michelle St. Amand ~

Just because someone doesn't love you
in the way you want them to,
doesn't mean that they don't love you
with all they've got.
~ by Author unknown ~

My Haircut

2005-05-04T00:11:00.000+08:00

I wrote the following in my friendster one time. Don't think you saw it because I never received an invitation. :P

20/04/05
I once read this on my brothers blog:

A man walked in to the hairdressers to get his hair cut. After the cut he commented: Thats a very nice cut! He paid and left. Before leaving the barber said: Of course, Im a good barber. On his way out, the customer saw a dirty beggar by the street with long unkempt hair. He immediately turned back into the saloon and told the barber: You are not a good barber. If you were, the man outside would have his hair cut! The barber replied: Oh yes, Im a good barber. If the man comes to me, Id definitely have cut his hair. Similarly, its not that God does not exist. But rather, only people who dont go to Him.

I want to have my Hair-cut this Sunday. Sweetie, could you make arrangements for this weekend please? Thank you.

Who I want to meet? Gods grace and love for me.

2005-05-04T00:04:00.000+08:00

For Bubu. Not sure why you deleted it though.

“My Father who carryeth me” – by Esmond Ng 21/04/05 © copyright
=========================================================

Dear Lord,

Oh how I’ve forsaken Thee.
For the last ten years, I thought Thee has too left me.
I do realize that answers may “No” sometimes be,
But never did I accept your decisions for me.
Oh how bad it was without Thee.
My life plagued like pagan Egypt,
How suffered I the ten years without ease,
Never felt ever that You be my peace.

Awakened this night all so suddenly,
Realized the pair of footprints be Thee that carryeth me.
Thank you for never letting go of this wayward sheep,
For everything, Thee has provided abundantly.
The two most important weeks to me you gave,
Of my life; others, most will never even glimpse.
I appreciate my Moulder and Father above,
Really Thee has been good to me.

Amen.

Thank you Lord for the trials that come my way. In Your time, Lord. In Your time.

2005-05-03T23:49:00.000+08:00

I kept blaming God for all the disappointments in my Life. When ultimately, I’m actually the “disappointment”. Retrospectively, God has worked wonders in my life. What I’ve experienced for the two weeks, many will never even glimpse. Thank you, my Lord. I have indeed been fortunate. I trust you have plans for me.

In Your time, In Your time
You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Lord please show me everyday,
As You're teaching me Your ways,
That You'll do just what You say,
In your time.

2005-05-03T23:40:00.000+08:00

Some of you have asked me what happened to this fairytale? Well, I really have no idea.

“Dead without having dying” by Esmond Ng 04/04/05 copyright ©
==========================================================
My heart beats, yet I’m not of the living.
I’ve breath but it be not air I breathe.
Tears soak which my face yet not I’m crying.
Then why so am I still living?

Everywhere the world moving,
why feel I my world has crashed in?
If a smile future be on my face,
would thou think it be called smiling?

If be true special one me,
why has thou forsaken thee?
A friend I have in Him?
Why too He has left me?

My poet favorite did, say of Love smooth not running,
never did I comprehend thee, that he be truth is speaking.
Living but yet not living;
Dead without having dying.

Shopping Spree

2005-04-11T21:14:00.000+08:00

Shop, shop, shop, shop & shop. Was at Toa Payoh Popular today to buy some materials for an event. Also bought a new notebook; my new alternate diary. Managed to finally purchase an alarm clock. Hope that it really helps me to wake up in the mornings. Guess that I might as well get everything in one goal. Headed to Cold Storage to buy lots of toiletries! Waited at the Interchange for awhile and when the bus finally came, I realized that I had waited for the wrong bus!!! Had subconciously walked myself to a bus at the corner which I had taken on a few previous occasions! Well, I got out to the main road and caught a taxi instead. Haha.

I guess I have more or less sorted myself out these few days. Been difficult I admit, but one has to wake up at some time. If it's meant to be, it will be.

2005-03-29T22:07:00.000+08:00

Depicting a walk with Jessica on esplanade's bridge.

“Time of bridge” by Esmond Ng 29/03/05 copyright ©
================================================
Bridge over calm waters we stroll’d, carried by the breeze of arvo cool.
Stopp’d in middle did we, sat to say things with glee.
What seem’d like a walk in eternity, I wish to take along thee and only.
Traffic which past and strode, not an inch felt; as if time stilled for we.

Things of said rarity, appeared in picture frame perspective.
The spread of eagle wings signified our very moment; feelings.
Even poles of light with differing properties, came to me as so very pretty.
Must be, it must be, when only thee next to me.

Though our meeting was haste and time which chas’d,
time which on the bridge, did indeed still for me.

2005-03-29T22:05:00.000+08:00

For Bubu,

“Fairytale” by Esmond Ng 27/03/05 copyright ©
===========================================
Once a time upon, grew a boy on tales;
of dragons slain’d and maidens rescu’d.
As of age he grew, traveled far in vain,
never found the tale he knew.

From lofty to dishearten’d did time prove,
soon abandon’d his search for his truth.
Norms became his norms
and dreams became standstill.

Then fate chanced upon him,
as sudden as floods on boxing due.
Heard of a princess,
distress could be still.

Awaken’d from deep slumber the knight arose,
remembering every aspiration and dream instilled.
Rode like wind, conquere’d all adversities till.
Like all written fairytales, happily ever after;
what he always knew.

Fairytale Reloaded

2005-03-27T04:19:00.000+08:00

Just when you thought it was over, out comes the sequel! Remember the time when you thought you were Superman? Finally you grow up and get “conditioned” into knowing you are not. For many a years, I searched high and low to find my fairytale. A forlorn quest which I have become “conditioned” to believe its inexistence.

Well, you might have guess it! It’s been “Reloaded”! Sincerely, I have never in my twenty six years found anyone so close to what I believe until very recently. From the bottoms of me, I’m totally taken by surprise by how someone can be so like me even down to minute details. She has truly taken my breath away. Especially so as she dreams my dreams and shares my fairytales. It’s like they say; good things come when you least expect it.

Even though I’m badly back-slided, I still believe God works in miraculous ways. I guess it’s His little way of saying: “I’m still here for you.”

I don’t know how things will go but I’m sure things happen for a reason. Fate or not, at least I found the one thing that makes me believe once again. Who says Juliets do not exist? I beg to differ.

I’ve had a splendid night at Tanjong beach, a fabulous time tonight, possibly a show date tomorrow and bookings with her all through next weekend. Your name in Hebrew really means “wealthy”. I’d like to see that as an abundance in looks, character, integrity, commitment and deposition. Everytime I talk to you, I find something new yet congruent. If lives were ever to reincarnate, we’d probably have been the glue from the same UHU.

Thank you for keeping my fairytale alive!

2005-03-27T03:32:00.000+08:00


Whilst stars shon’d dimly in cloud cover’d sky,
 the mood not dampen’d; all is still bright. 
It’s really no wonder why, if by me thou would realize,
 The brightest of them all would on my right.
Lays’t down admiring the beauty from nature’s eye,
 if nature be me, then thou be in my sight.
Lovely would be no other word,
 then she who grac’d my night.

Yonder but yet next to thee, so seems close though far it now be;
 why this feeling that dawns on me?
Of these questions in which minds’t uncontroll’d wander,
 omega, it still ends with thee.
Uphoria and joy that follow it, 
 something a feeling excites me which.

Bare footed on  a chill’d beach night,
 warm the sand stays though sun has slipp’d over the horizon line.
Emphasize can’t I more describe,
 the warmth that comes with thou’s sunny eyes.

My O my, where seen I those cherry lips and fair skin light;
 that heaven be so bias’d put all in one?
Years may pass, Kings abdicat’d, 
 yet to my heart’s Queen she is perfect’d. 

Varies thee may, with wonders of powder,
 but in fact thou’s beauty, is the wonder creator.
All fail not see, if beauty is skin deep,
 deeper than that no worries, thou has aplenty.
Like the serene of night sea tranquility,
 the feeling with thee it gives to me.
Embellish’d with jewels of laughter and cheer
 never not will I ever dry nor withereth.
New brings old away, a beginning which may bloom;
 if given both a little way soon.
Time may wash old wounds offshore, 
 but time should blows’t the direction of ahead.
If sentiments are link’d like we discover’d by the bay,
 thou would knows’t what I say.
Next to thee I feel somewhat a likeness of me,
 maybe we be concordant harmony.
Expect more of stargazing company, 
 we could have more if try we gradually.