Moving On

I spent the whole of last morning reading through my own posts from the very beginning. After that, a natural question to myself was: “How is it that I can write so strongly about one person, then within a few months write so absolutely again about another?”

Then I realized it. Whether on a conscious or sub-conscious level, I was trying to move on. Seconds past, minutes fly and days elapse. Time waits for no one. Being a nostalgic person, I don’t like that one bit. I like the past, I like memories. But I just can’t help it. As they say: “Life goes on.”

Everyone has their strong traits. Everyone is special in their own ways. This is something I always advocate. “No one is good at nothing!” True, I may have fallen for others. True, I may have tried again and perhaps again. But every each one of them have unique memories for me. Some allocated with more weight, others less. Nothing is fair. That’s for sure since all eternity.

Sometimes in retrospect, I remember certain picture frames of different people. Some are very much more hurting than the others. It’s freaking immense for me I admit, but the seconds still tick. I’m battered, bleeding and bruised. I’m tired and forlorn. I can’t deny me. The one that still weighs the most, I miss you loads.

My canoe once capsized and I found myself swimming for help. I swam for a long time only to comprehend I was on the same spot. The currents in the sea were keeping me stuck on the same spot! I struggled in frenzy but still, I was in the same spot. I wonder if I can let go. Let the currents carry me. Would I be somewhere else? Would the currents lead me to shore or wash me deeper into trouble? Tell me then. Can I still hold on to my fantasy forever? I know I would like to. Fate have pity on me please.

“Sometimes the harder you try to move on, the easier it is for you to remain status quo.” ~ © Esmond Ng 10/12/05